Male-Female Platonic Relationships

I have done much research in regard to these age-old questions: Can best friends become lovers? Can lovers remain friends? I have read many articles and have been to many forums that gave opinions about male/female relationships. Many people don't see why men and women can not have a friendly platonic relationship. But there are those people who don't believe that men and women can have a platonic relationship and in that way, they won't risk it by inviting sex into the friendship.

I found a writer that sums the male/female platonic relationship up pretty nicely and wanted to share this information with everyone. The writer's name is Carmin Wharton. She is a relationship expert and has published her long anticipated relationship memoir, Lessons Learned: While Looking for Love in All the Wrong Faces. It is her desire that women everywhere will gain the strength and courage to love again after unsuccessful relationships and that those who are in successful relationships will do what God requires to sustain them.

This is what she had to say about male/female platonic relationships:

Male-Female Platonic Relationships


Wow, so they actually exist for other people too! Lately, quite a few articles have been published about the phenomena of platonic male-female relationships. Now, I’m not speaking of “friends with benefits;” the ‘benefit’ being sex. The type of male-female relationship I’m speaking of is full of intimacy, is sometimes steamy but the parties involved live by the code of ethics of not crossing the line into a sexual relationship.

I end my book, Lessons Learned: While Looking for Love in All the Wrong Faces with a chapter on platonic male-female relationships and stress the fact that men and women are more alike than we are different and that we should celebrate those differences. Men and women (for the most part) crave true love and to be appreciated by the opposite sex.

It is often said that for a relationship to work, people should be friends first. I believe this to be true and I’ll tell you why. Real love, solid trust and sincere respect are more likely to be established on the really solid ground of a platonic relationship. Platonic relationships are highly underrated. Platonic friendships give us stability and balance that is not often found in romantic, sexual male-female relationships. Once sex enters the picture, drama of some kind will eventually enter the picture. This is not to say that some of the best romantic relationships did not start as platonic relationships. In fact, I believe that a platonic relationship should be a precursor to a male-female relationship which includes sex. If a relationship begins as a platonic friendship and grows into a sexually intimate relationship, and then if one partner decides to vacate the relationship; more often than not, the departing partner will move heaven and earth in an attempt not to hurt their partner. Their exit will be sad and the dynamics of the relationship may change but they will depart with dignity and grace.

Why Platonic Relationships Work

Do you know why deep, loving platonic relationships exist? Because in platonic relationships, people feel free to be themselves and their friend stands in a state of non-judgment. We can be ourselves – all the time. It’s ok if your platonic friend sees you with no makeup, unshaven and unkempt.

Platonic relationships allow men and women to communicate on the deepest level. It has been my experience as a woman that a platonic relationship allows one to see the true soul of a man. Interestingly, when I have had a disagreement with a platonic friend, I notice that we find it easier to forgive one another – overlooking each other’s peculiarities and shortcomings.

Advantages for Women

In a deeply, intimate, platonic male-female relationship, a man will allow you to see him at his most vulnerable state and to me, this is sacred. You get to see what really makes guys tick – their true likes and dislikes regarding women. A woman will learn how they communicate, how their minds work and just how capable they are of deep, true love.

Advantages for Men

A man can truly open up and be himself without fear of rejection or reprisal. He can cry if he wants to. He knows his secrets are safe with his platonic friend and will never be used against him. He gains perspective from a woman’s point of view.

Both men and women will gain insight into why previous romantic, sexual relationships failed. Yes, a platonic male –female relationship is an excellent training ground for a future sexually intimate relationship, particularly if one is looking for a committed relationship. A platonic relationship will teach you how to win the opposite sex’s heart and will show you what makes the opposite sex tick.

How to Maintain a Platonic Relationship

The key to successfully maintaining a platonic relationship is to remember not to violate the no-sex code of ethics because things can get steamy especially if either of you are currently in a state of celibacy. Just know that one can be – in fact very often are – physically attracted to their precious platonic friend.

How to Cross Over Into a Sexual Relationship

If you find yourself desiring a sexual, committed, “more than friends” relationship with your platonic friend, the first thing to do is some soul searching. Are you merely lonely or getting desperate? If through careful and prayerful consideration, you really believe in your heart of hearts that you and your platonic friend should explore a different type of relationship, then you must communicate this to your friend just as you would openly communicate about anything else. Here’s the key though. Make certain that you are clear in your heart and mind that if your friend does not agree, there will be:

1. No hard feelings
2. You will not be embarrassed for having broached the subject
3. It will be a done deal and things will truly and sincerely go back to the way they were before you talked

You really need to communicate these 3 things to your friend before you begin to talk. Because your friendship is true and solid to begin with, there should be no problem going back into your platonic friendship mode and picking up where you left off. If after deep and honest consideration, you do not believe you can hold true to the above 3 points, do not, I repeat, do not approach your platonic friend about a romantic relationship. The risk of loosing a dear friend is not worth it.

Carmin has some more advice that may be of interest. You can go here and check it out.
Carmin Wharton on Relationship Advice: The Role Fathers Play in Women’s Relationships

Carmin Wharton, The Relationship Teacher

www.carminwharton.com

blog.carminwharton.com

http://carminwharton.blogspot.com/